Oh mother!!!

I wish I could shake my guilt and my worry. I try every morning when I put my feet on the ground (and let's face it, lately these feet hit the ground in the middle of the night and early morning a lot more than normal) to relax and soak in the day and just let go. But my gooooooodness. It is not in my nature and so much harder than it seems. I swear, I can find things to worry about. And I've always been like this but I think it is worse now that I am a mother.

I worry about the amount of tv we watch; I worry about the amount my children eat or sleep, or play; I worry that I am too hard on them or am I not hard enough; when my two year old has a fit in kroger for no reason, I worry that it was something that I have done that has caused him to be cranky and suddenly be full of fits (never mind the fact that he is 2 and has had a lot if change lately). I worry that every little thing I do and decision I make will impact him negatively in his later years. Why do I focus in the negative and what I might be soon wrong. Oy.

So if I'm going to worry, why can't I just worry whether I have hugged enough or kissed little feet enough or squeeze cheeks and laughed enough. How about worrying about finger paint or sidewalk chalk and just LOVING my children hard enough. Perhaps I would be a better mom if I can just let go and enjoy these smiles and "mommy hold you's" because someday soon they will be gone and grown. And I'm pretty sure if I do that, my kids will learn to love life and live it hard rather than worry worry worry.

But then I look at these faces, and I think perhaps I'm doing something right. Thank God for trusting me and challenging me with these faces.