So I finally crawled out of bed at 4am this morning. I cannot sleep very well these days, which I guess at 39 weeks and some days, that is to be expected. I wake up to pee, Kirby cries out in his sleep or gets trapped between the bed rail and the mattress (yeah, that happened...seriously, standing on the ground with his belly and face pressed up against the mattress with the bed rail pressed against his back. How he managed that, I have no idea), a certain little white puppy needs to potty, a certain person who will remain nameless snores, and the biggest, a little someone about whom I haven't written much sticks a foot in.my.ribs. Come on now, people!!!
I've begun to love my early mornings. I get work done on the computer for the ole' job. I get laundry, sweeping, mopping, and even vacuuming done. And then I'm all Kirby's during the day and don't need to worry about all that other STUFF - you know, the details of life. We can do puzzles, go to the park, swim at the Y, play in the jungle gym, go outside, and even clean up after all the playing in the mulch. So I guess I can't complain. But come Kirby's nap time, I think I'm more ready than he is. In fact, I know I am. He does NOT like nap time.
I recall my pregnancy with Kirby and every little minute was something to be cherished, and I documented everything. I certainly hope that my lack of documenting this second pregnancy is not a sign of how little I'll document of this new little life or how little I've enjoyed and cherished this life growing inside me. Yikes. It is so true that the first does get so much attention because that is all you have. Sorry, little one. I vow to do better.
I love being pregnant. I love the hiccups, the kicks, the smiles from passer-bys, and maybe I even like the "man you're a whopper" comments I get from people. Well, maybe not quite. BUT I love the miracle growing inside me and the connection you feel to this child. Such a gift. So amazing. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I already can't wait to do it again someday; however, I'd also be a liar if I didn't include that I've been a bit of a complainer. Oh the carpel tunnel syndrome. Seriously can't feel my fingers now as I type. The peeing. The constant getting up to peeing. This muscle that I've pulled is killing me. The stretch marks...oy. I have nothing to wear, and I can't put on shoes. Even getting into bed is a production that often leaves me out of breath, and picking up my boy and letting him sit on my lap is so difficult. Poor little guy, I don't think he can get comfortable on my lap like he used to!!! But despite all the complaining, it is so.worth.it!!!!! I would do it again and again and again. And oh, to hold this baby in my arms....SOOOOON, please.
I had such a strong feeling with Kirby that he was going to be a boy, but I don't feel a strong feeling one way or the other with this baby. I'm leaning more towards boy, but I also have moments of girl feelings. It is funny because I was scared to death that Kirby was going to be a boy. I mean, what was I going to do with a boy? And now that I'm mastering boy (note, I say mastering, not mastered...oh, the dirt and the jumping and the climbing), I dream that another boy would be great. I'd love for Kirby to have a little buddy to dig around in the dirt with and show the ropes. Keith feels strongly it is a girl so we'll just have to wait and see. I've had a lot more anxious excitement around this baby because of my lack of a gut feeling. I will say that I feel so similar to my pregnancy with Kirby, and I feel like I'm carrying like I did with him. The heart rate has been all over the board like it was with Kirby. One morning it was 160+, but that was after a cup of full-throttle caffeinated coffee AND a yummy cinnamon roll. Other than that week, it has been 130s and 140s just like K, but all of that is probably hog-wash. The beauty of it though is that no matter what little package arrives, this baby was picked by God for us and is ours. What a gift and what a responsibility that God has trusted us with. Pink or blue...we win either way!
I can't wait to hold you, sweet one. Hurry on up and make an arrival, already.
I have my 40 week appointment on Friday this week, and if I make it to that appointment, I will be asked to schedule an induction as they won't let me go past 41 weeks. Hard to believe that any day now and at least in less than 2 weeks another little person will be in our lives and in our home and will have stole our hearts.
Last night when I was saying prayers with Kirby and singing Amazing Grace at his request, I got all chocked up. For the past 2 years I've been the center of his little life. Well, me and trains and cars. haha. It is so exciting to bring him a brother or sister, but with it, I have a somewhat heavy heart that I will no longer be able to be his everything. Funny thing is that I remember having this feeling before Kirby was born about Keith. Taking care of him as my husband was all I knew and all I knew for 8 years, and then I was going to throw this little helpless human into the mix. And all that worry was over a grown up man. Now, I'm going to throw a tiny helpless human into the mix with another helpless little dude who relies on me for everything. How will my heart have more love to give to another baby? How will I have time to just snuggle with him and love on him like we do now and still nurture a newborn, take care of the house, the husband, the finances, 2 PT jobs, and myself. Do what? How will he handle our little visitor who is here to stay? Will he act out? Will he be mad or sad at me? And oh this new little one. How will he (see, I said HE) respond to the possibility that there won't be as much gushing over him or as many pictures taken or as much one-on-one attention as there was for Kirby. I'm hopeful that every mom has had these concerns to make me feel a bit, well more normal, but then again I don't wish these feelings really on anyone. There is just so much excitement and just a little fear that surrounds the arrival of my new bundle.
So, to you, sweet new Hollister. I vow to take lots of pictures. I vow to hold you and love on you and read you books and let you run around naked after baths and have all the patience in the world that I've had for your brother. But I can also assure you that your brother will be a part of all of that. He'll read to you for sure. He'll be in pictures. He'll probably be in the bathtub with you, and he will gladly run around naked with you after baths. And hopefully he'll learn from you and you'll learn from him, and you'll love each other like you've never loved or will love anyone. I think that is the part that makes my anxieties about how I"ll do with a second just float away...you'll have each other.
So, Come on, already!!!!!
XOXOXOX
Mom
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