Dear Baby Holli,

I'm beginning to get a little more anxious and excited to meet you, and to figure out if I have a lifetime of bows and arrows ahead of me or dress up and make up...blue or pink.  Either way, I win!  Seriously, I do, but I'm still getting a little anxious.  It is funny because your dad and I both are sold on the fact that your a boy.  We have been so certain of it that we have had a boy's name picked out for a long time and hadn't even thought of girls' names.  Just recently on Christmas Eve at Starbucks, we decided on a girl's name (best $10 bucks I've ever spent at Starbucks!!!).  Now I love our girl's name, and I'm thinking we won't be able to use it on you.  .  They are both GREAT names, which you'll wear well, and we can't wait to call you something other than BABY as we call you when we talk to you in my belly.  We'll have to see if the Chinese gender charts are correct as they predict that you are a girl.

I've watched so many pregnant woman over the years, and I've never understood their need to constantly rub or touch their bellies, and NOW I get it.  It is impossible not to, and it is impossible to not SMILE too.  With very kick, I can't help but put my hand on my belly or look down at it and smile or to grab your dad's hand and place it on my belly so he can be reminded of you.  Now every push I feel against my belly, I rub my belly to see if I can identify what body part you're using against me!!!  I'm waiting to see an elbow or a little hand through my skin.  Bring it on, BABY.

On the first class of every college semester I used introduce myself as "Mary Trailov; from Franklin, TN; I swim on the team; and I want to be a mom when I grow up".  I was a little envious of all my friends who had big dreams of big careers, knowing exactly what they wanted to do and therefore what major to select...perhaps this is why I changed my major so many times!!!!  I just didn't know what I wanted to do other than wipe snotty noses, make lunches, read good night books, drive carpools, and give kisses to boo boos.  It must have taken me a full 31 years to grow up!  Better late than never, because I will finally be what I've always wanted to be...a mommy...at about the same time your dad is realizing his dreams and becoming what he has always wanted to be...a doctor.  I wouldn't change the paths we've chosen and experiences we've had along the way and especially waiting for YOU for anything!  God's plans are better than those that we can make ourselves.  Sometimes it is just hard to have the patience to wait for his plans.  I've loved my two careers and volunteer efforts, but I'm ready to move on to my next career - YOU.

So, just a few notes of your existence thus far and what all you have been up to:
* You spared me morning sickness, and for that I will always be grateful to you!!!!
* You love sweets or at least you squirm around like you do.  Perhaps you get that from your dad!!!  He's a true sweet tooth.
* You gave me some lower back pain during the second trimester but you have spared me of that lately.  Thank you!
* I was outrageously cold for the first 4 months of my pregnancy.
* I haven't had too many outrageous cravings, or at least I haven't sent your dad out to the grocery store at crazy hours for crazy foods.  A few recent favorites: I've loved milk since about day one of my pregnancy.  I love, Love, LOVE chocolate soy milk.  I've eaten almost as many cherry pop tarts in the past 8 months as I did in my freshman year in college, which is a LOT, trust me.  I've been a little more lax about my eating habits during these 8 months...you'll learn, I'm a little neurotic about what I eat.  I hope you find it endearing someday because otherwise it'll just drive you crazy.
* You love the organ at Church.  You literally break dance every time the organist strikes the first chord.  What a great little Anglican you will be!!!!!  :)
* I have cankles.  They are NOT hot.  BUT at least the silly sight of them makes me think of YOU.
* You've recently struck me with carpel tunnel syndrome.  I had no idea that was even a symptom of pregnancy, but apparently it is cause I have it.  I look ridiculous in my wrist splint, which I just broke down and bought this past weekend; however, like the cankles, the silly sight of it makes me think of YOU!!
* The only position I can sleep in is upright - 6 pillows behind my back, splint on the right hand with my arm by my side, not elevated at all otherwise my arm falls painfully asleep up to my armpit; and pillow underneath my knees.  In case you're counting, that is 7 pillows.  Seven.  At least I'm figuring it out. That is all I ask so I can catch a few winks!
* I LOVE your hiccups.  I can't quite figure out what gives them to you, and I wish I could make them go away from you, but I love the rhythmic feeling.

And all of it...all of it is worth it because it is YOU.  :)

So, not to already be wishing away your little life, but I'm ready for these last few days - 52 to be exact - to rush by so I can hold you in my arms.  Whether it is pink or blue, I'm the victor.  Your dad and I have so much love to give to YOU, so come on BABY.  We're ready to you!!!!