This week I started a part-time job at the YMCA teaching swim lessons. I have been watching for part time job openings at the Y for a number of reasons. A little extra money has never hurt a gal, right? Baby could use some time away from momma; Momma could use some time away from baby ;). Kirby needs a little "socialization". As a new gal in town, Momma needs an opportunity to meet some adults and maybe make some friends!!! AND lastly, as an employee the Y will cover my membership fee and my childcare for F.R.E.E. You can't beat that, right?
I have struggled with the idea of taking a job and leaving Kirby anywhere. I've really loved being at home with him and enjoy my time with him, and I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt leaving him with anyone...even his Dad. I have been anxious about scheduling my hours around naps and meals and about well, just about everything. BUT people do it all the time so why can't I, right?
I never thought that I would be back in the water at my age or...ever...for that matter, but last night I sat and noticed I smelled something familiar....familiar but something I hadn't smelled in a long time. It was I. I smelled myself. I smelled chlorine. I smelled chlorine on myself. Ick. My ears had water in them, and my skin was dry. Yep, I had been in the pool that night, and I guess I better get used to it cause that's my new PT gig...FT momma; PT swim instructor.
So, there you have it. Kirby, I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and emptiness when I dropped you at childwatch. Even though I know this is best for you and for me, I feel like I'm neglecting you or shirking my duties. I fear that my leaving you makes you sad and will traumatize your little person, but truth be known, being with you all the time will probably be the really traumatic experience. haha. So, I'm trying to do, baby, what is best for all of us even though it pains me every minute I'm away from you. But I would be telling a lie if I said that I didn't enjoy the fact that someone else is cleaning up after your dinner mess!!!! :)
child please... it's only natural to have those feelings. but in reality all mommy's need a little break, whether it exercising, shopping, work, or teaching other's to swim! When you get back to kirbster, he will be just that more excited to see you!
ReplyDeleteMSTH:
ReplyDeleteFor all the reasons that you mentioned, I am very happy that you are back to being Coach Mary. Congratulations on your new position, and in due time all the anxieties that you now have about being separated from Kirby will pass. Hopefully, I am correct in saying that this anxiety affects you more than it does Kirby.
Dad/Deda
Hi Coach Mary,
ReplyDeleteWhat a coincidence that I am reading this chlorine soaked blog entry after being upstairs looking at pictures of you swimming, coaching, and posing at age "8" with your dad and your City Meet High Point award! And now I am smelling chlorine in my mind, too!